Tell me why I don't like Tuesdays?

Ok, so maybe I am greedy and just want to eek out the bank holiday until the banks are just closed all year round, but I am not a fan of the Tuesday. I much prefer a Thursday as there's normally something funny on the telly and you can almost smell that warm and invitating fresh-baked Friday night approaching.

And today I found out (ie, looked and saw) that my birthday falls on a bloody Tuesday this year. Ugh. Who's going to want to go out and help me celebrate pre-mid-week?

No-one, if I keep whinging that's for sure. So, I'm going to make my peace with Tuesday right here and now, in front of one co-writer and an online blog follower and thank it for keeping Monday far at bay and for being a key part of an amusing euphemism.

Here you go life....

... a nice picure of my arse. So you know where to kick

To Watch or Not to Watch

Here's something that IPlayer wasn't made for.

To Buy or Not to Buy...series 8...presented by two-footed skating grin-monger Melinda Messenger and Ricky from Eastenders himself Mr Sid Owen. Property gurus, I am certain.

'Melinda and Sid try and find the perfect love-nest for a young couple', bleats one episode descriptor.

Perehaps 'Sid and Melinda find temporary shelter in the "go get a job/I am very ill today" TV schedule' would work better.

Life. Up to his old tricks again

Life asked Shiv to pull his finger this week. Hopefully she will learn now.

Meanwhile Life came round my house and top decked me. Bad Life!

Shiv and I believe that Carol Decker from T'pau enjoys top decking people, and is known by her friends as Carol Topdecker. We believe quite a few things about Carol Topdecker which may be mentioned another time.

Just imagine 80s songbird, Sonya, in her scouse bleat complaining "Arr Ey. T'pau's shat in the cistern again."

Life. Oh Life. Oh life. As the Lighthouse Family used to say to me

Hi Kids,

We've been a bit quiet recently as Life has been determined to kick us both up the arse lately.

Only last week, Shiv was on her way home from work when she saw a pound lying on the floor. Bending to pick it up, she heard the sound of galloping footsteps behind her. That's right, folks, it was Life taking a run up to kick the twin peaches of her arse.

At the weekend, I was asleep when Life done a poo in my mouth, took a picture and tagged all my friends with it on Facebook.

Stop it Life. We know your dad!

Biscuits

I second that emotion

I say that until 2009 is over, we all stay at home and play with ourselves

Now I understand

A fair few years back (think E17 in the charts) I was a school leaver, collecting comments and good luck messages for posterity in a science notebook I had 'liberated' from the Physics cupboard.

One teacher, who was probably the age I am now, wrote "Keep that sense of humour - you'll need it when you go out in the real world". The word real was underlined not once, but twice.

And you know what, as I survey what has been all told another pretty shoddy week for me, my close buddies, and a lot of the rest of the world, I know exactly what they meant. The real world (underlined or not) doesn't take any prisoners. (It probably just beats them up instead)

So as I sign off, I am looking once more for my sense of humour, and am hopeful its at the foot of this tea mug I'm nursing.

May you kind reader always have your humour near you.