Hi Kids,
We've been a bit quiet recently as Life has been determined to kick us both up the arse lately.
Only last week, Shiv was on her way home from work when she saw a pound lying on the floor. Bending to pick it up, she heard the sound of galloping footsteps behind her. That's right, folks, it was Life taking a run up to kick the twin peaches of her arse.
At the weekend, I was asleep when Life done a poo in my mouth, took a picture and tagged all my friends with it on Facebook.
Stop it Life. We know your dad!
Biscuits
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Monday, 20 April 2009
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Now I understand
A fair few years back (think E17 in the charts) I was a school leaver, collecting comments and good luck messages for posterity in a science notebook I had 'liberated' from the Physics cupboard.
One teacher, who was probably the age I am now, wrote "Keep that sense of humour - you'll need it when you go out in the real world". The word real was underlined not once, but twice.
And you know what, as I survey what has been all told another pretty shoddy week for me, my close buddies, and a lot of the rest of the world, I know exactly what they meant. The real world (underlined or not) doesn't take any prisoners. (It probably just beats them up instead)
So as I sign off, I am looking once more for my sense of humour, and am hopeful its at the foot of this tea mug I'm nursing.
May you kind reader always have your humour near you.
One teacher, who was probably the age I am now, wrote "Keep that sense of humour - you'll need it when you go out in the real world". The word real was underlined not once, but twice.
And you know what, as I survey what has been all told another pretty shoddy week for me, my close buddies, and a lot of the rest of the world, I know exactly what they meant. The real world (underlined or not) doesn't take any prisoners. (It probably just beats them up instead)
So as I sign off, I am looking once more for my sense of humour, and am hopeful its at the foot of this tea mug I'm nursing.
May you kind reader always have your humour near you.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Who would win in a fight between an emo and a goth?
Emo vs Goth has got to be the world’s lamest deathmatch. It would be like watching paint dry. Alien vs Predator it is not. While it is one of the immutable laws of nature that in any fight involving a goth the goth will lose, in this case I predict a gothic victory. This is because the goth only has to stand around looking sad and wait for the emo to self harm.
Interestingly, when writing this, spell-check kept trying to make the Goth fight an emu. That is an easy victory for the emu!
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
The Loan of Contention
Ok, ok, I know it's a pretty weak pun of a headline, but this week I have finally reconciled my account with the contentious grant replacing Student Loan people. And only 12 years after first utilising that funding for important student books and equipment like pints of Snakey B and patchouli oil. I actually feel like I own my BA outright and in full now, and I intend to use it more often in polite company.
It also means for the first time in my adult life (if you ignore my mortgage - Cheltenham & Gloucester please can you do the same, please, please?) I am officially loan free. I owe you nothing, uuh eer, nothing at all.
So it's good timing that the boiler should stop doing the boiling bit its name suggests, now I am flush with all this extra cash. Let's hope they don't mind being paid off in small installments over a decade.
It also means for the first time in my adult life (if you ignore my mortgage - Cheltenham & Gloucester please can you do the same, please, please?) I am officially loan free. I owe you nothing, uuh eer, nothing at all.
So it's good timing that the boiler should stop doing the boiling bit its name suggests, now I am flush with all this extra cash. Let's hope they don't mind being paid off in small installments over a decade.
Friday, 27 March 2009
The Oxo Tower. Neither an Oxo nor a tower
I went to the restaurant at the top of the Oxo Tower last night for the first time ever. And very nice it was too. Aside from getting hideously drunk and having to be poured into a taxi and flushed home, I noted a few things.
1) The Oxo Tower is not a tower. An eight storey building just isn’t a tower. My house is 4 storeys and you don’t hear me calling it the Dulwich High Rise.
2) I had it mixed up with the post office tower. Which is an actual tower and is also much larger. Most importantly it is round. Having spent the last 30 years thinking that this was the Oxo tower, you can excuse my other misconception, that the restaurant revolved. Which is just as well because revolving restaurants are in the same design group as guitar shaped beds. I can also imagine it is very difficult to find your table again when you come back from the bog unless the bogs also revolve. I can’t see this being the case because the only way that would work, what with the plumbing and all, is if there was only one bog, right in the middle of the restaurant. So you would essentially be sitting on spinning toilet, and the toilet is not a place where you want to introduce centrifugal force.
Other than that it was very nice.
1) The Oxo Tower is not a tower. An eight storey building just isn’t a tower. My house is 4 storeys and you don’t hear me calling it the Dulwich High Rise.
2) I had it mixed up with the post office tower. Which is an actual tower and is also much larger. Most importantly it is round. Having spent the last 30 years thinking that this was the Oxo tower, you can excuse my other misconception, that the restaurant revolved. Which is just as well because revolving restaurants are in the same design group as guitar shaped beds. I can also imagine it is very difficult to find your table again when you come back from the bog unless the bogs also revolve. I can’t see this being the case because the only way that would work, what with the plumbing and all, is if there was only one bog, right in the middle of the restaurant. So you would essentially be sitting on spinning toilet, and the toilet is not a place where you want to introduce centrifugal force.
Other than that it was very nice.
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