Well hello,
Today I’m going to have to take back a lot of things I have said previously, and tell you that the Travelodge on Upton Way is a wonderful place full of light and laughter and staffed by giants among men and women.
As I was packing to escape my Lodge on Thursday I crossed paths with a gigantic spider who had taken up residence in my dirty laundry (which I was carefully keeping in a heap on the floor). God alone knows how long it had been there, watching me sleep, watching me shower, touching itself with its eight revolting legs.
I tried spraying it with hairspray, cause I thought this might slow it down. It just made it run around fast. I briefly considered lighting the stream of hairspray, but then I thought “No, no, then I will just burn to death.” However allowing it a free run of my room was not an option so eventually I told it to stand still and went off to get the lass from reception to deal with it. Surprisingly enough, she was well up for it.
Obviously when we returned to my room the beast had not listened to me and sloped off to hide in my pants. Fortunately Ms Reception very gamely went through my pants and hunted it down while I leapt about shrieking and, I’m ashamed to say, put a towel over my head to avoid seeing anything that might distress me further.
So you see some Travelodges are not all bad.
Spiders though, they are bad. I hate spiders. I don’t really understand why we have to have them. And I’m not buying this eating flies business either. Flies don’t bother me, and they certainly don’t scare the shit out of me and make me put a towel on my head.
Please don’t tell me that some spiders are good. They aren’t. Especially this one. It was a total prick and a waste of chitin.
